Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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