i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You left your phone here
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