can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i out mim tonsoeep
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
