Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize