Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
