My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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