If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
