Christians are straight up FREAKS
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
