Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
