Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
