i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
