I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
