if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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