Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
