ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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