Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
