I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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