Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize