Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
