I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
