Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
