And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
