did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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