I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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