You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
