dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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