I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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