Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
