I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
