I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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