All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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