I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
