Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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