just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
