Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
