When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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