this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize