u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
