I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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