Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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