bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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