i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
