somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
