By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
