so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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