my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
