big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
