i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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