No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
