she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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