His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
