i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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