at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
