Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
