Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
