I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
