I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
