I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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