i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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