so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
