Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
