I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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