the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
