(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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