Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
