i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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