somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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