Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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