At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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