so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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