Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
